I guess I have developed a bit of a pattern here of only posting when things are more difficult. Oops! I haven't meant to. I guess it's just that those are the times I need help to "cope" and I find journaling helpful.
E is still panicking about Primary school, but has stopped worrying so much about me staying in the car park. I don't know if I have even spoken about that before? I should read my own blog for once! We seem to have effectively closed the door on the 'waiting in the car park' discussion by refusing to answer the question after answering it once. It took a few hundred "I've already answered this question" responses, but now it is done.
He is not sleeping very well worrying about he next step in his educational career. We are doing what we can to help him with the help of our psychologist. Husband face and I have an appointment tomorrow at the clinic where they observed us. Hopefully they have some more insight for us.
I really want to get him out of his hot, heavy jumper with a hood as I know he is struggling with the heat at school. It is his security blanket and removing it results in waves of panic.
Mostly I think we are doing really well. The kids are fighting a lot and I am not managing to not yell (follow that train of thought?) but I am making a concerted effort to be more relaxed within myself which is helping.
Peace out
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I have been meaning to update here for a while now. So much has happened!
E is going so beautifully at school. They actually can't believe there is anything "wrong" with him which is of course making us doubt it ourselves! He plays, interacts, chats, helps, tidies, whatever. He spends much of his time with the hood of his jumper up though which is getting a bit hard for him, I can tell. He really feels the heat so he says he doesn't like playing outside there much.
He brings homes wonderful drawings and paintings. He doesn't talk much about his day there, but he generally seems relaxed when I pick him up.
At home we are struggling a bit. He asks over and over about school when he is not there. He asks specifically this exact question "will you wait in the car park?" He asks probably 100-200 times a day. I mostly ignore him and change the subject, but some times I say I will wait for him as I haven't seen the harm until now. I wonder if he keeps asking because he knows I am lying. I am feeling awful about it, but fortunately have an appointment with his psychologist in the morning so will ask how to tackle it.
It was put to me in a way which has made me get a little deeper in to his questioning. If he keeps asking the same question, then what is he really saying? What does he really want to know? what is he really unsure of? All he says is that he wants me to wait in the carpark so it 'doesn't take me too long to get there' to pick him up. I am some times late for things, but usually on time. Is he afraid I will forget him? Or be so late that he will be left alone there?
I don't know.
It has escalated now in to anxiety about going to Primary school (big school) next year. It will be the first year of mandatory schooling. He was awake for what felt like hours last night sobbing about it, and again this afternoon. Another reason I am glad to see the psych tomorrow.
We also see the OT tomorrow. It is a new OT. He has had an assessment with them which was mostly really positive, but there are a few things they suggested we work on. But again, what is anxiety, what is sensory, what is both? What causes what?
And last but not least we had an assessment with the child and adolescent mental health clinic. It was very intimidating (think us in front of a one way mirror, behind which sat a number of psychiatrists observing us!) He handled it well though and to be honest I feel guilty for taking the spot of someone who probably needs the help a lot more than we do. Nevertheless, they want to help us with what WE want help with, and we want help with teaching him to reduce anxiety.
So all in all, things are reasonable! I am tired. A gastro bug has swept through our house like wildfire. Combine that with a very anxious 4 year old and a rambunctious 2 year old and that makes for one exhausted Me.
And on that note, I am off to sleep.
E is going so beautifully at school. They actually can't believe there is anything "wrong" with him which is of course making us doubt it ourselves! He plays, interacts, chats, helps, tidies, whatever. He spends much of his time with the hood of his jumper up though which is getting a bit hard for him, I can tell. He really feels the heat so he says he doesn't like playing outside there much.
He brings homes wonderful drawings and paintings. He doesn't talk much about his day there, but he generally seems relaxed when I pick him up.
At home we are struggling a bit. He asks over and over about school when he is not there. He asks specifically this exact question "will you wait in the car park?" He asks probably 100-200 times a day. I mostly ignore him and change the subject, but some times I say I will wait for him as I haven't seen the harm until now. I wonder if he keeps asking because he knows I am lying. I am feeling awful about it, but fortunately have an appointment with his psychologist in the morning so will ask how to tackle it.
It was put to me in a way which has made me get a little deeper in to his questioning. If he keeps asking the same question, then what is he really saying? What does he really want to know? what is he really unsure of? All he says is that he wants me to wait in the carpark so it 'doesn't take me too long to get there' to pick him up. I am some times late for things, but usually on time. Is he afraid I will forget him? Or be so late that he will be left alone there?
I don't know.
It has escalated now in to anxiety about going to Primary school (big school) next year. It will be the first year of mandatory schooling. He was awake for what felt like hours last night sobbing about it, and again this afternoon. Another reason I am glad to see the psych tomorrow.
We also see the OT tomorrow. It is a new OT. He has had an assessment with them which was mostly really positive, but there are a few things they suggested we work on. But again, what is anxiety, what is sensory, what is both? What causes what?
And last but not least we had an assessment with the child and adolescent mental health clinic. It was very intimidating (think us in front of a one way mirror, behind which sat a number of psychiatrists observing us!) He handled it well though and to be honest I feel guilty for taking the spot of someone who probably needs the help a lot more than we do. Nevertheless, they want to help us with what WE want help with, and we want help with teaching him to reduce anxiety.
So all in all, things are reasonable! I am tired. A gastro bug has swept through our house like wildfire. Combine that with a very anxious 4 year old and a rambunctious 2 year old and that makes for one exhausted Me.
And on that note, I am off to sleep.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Day One
We survived day one. The school are so fabulous. He was fretting all of last night and this morning, and screamed his arse off when we left, but apparently he settled down and had a wonderful day. The director was so pleased, she had tears in her eyes.
I suspect next week will be harder, but all in all, I am starting to get a really good feeling about this year x
I suspect next week will be harder, but all in all, I am starting to get a really good feeling about this year x
Monday, January 28, 2013
Communication is Key
This is an email I sent to E's preschool teacher. The director of the school called me soon after to say how useful it was so I am glad. E starts tomorrow. He is very upset and clingy today, tearing up off and on. I am trying to keep strong!
Dear teacher,
I wanted to write to you about our son, who will be in your class this year.
E has PDD-NOS (pervasive development disorder-not otherwise specified), and high anxiety.
I thought I would give you as much information as I could so that you are as well equipped as possible to manage E.
He is a kind-hearted, sensitive boy, but is easily overwhelmed and not well versed in social protocol. We think in part this is due to the PDD-NOS, but the anxiety seems to really get in the way of him having the opportunity to develop much needed social skills.
E is very attached to me, his Mother. He has always called his father and I by our first names, however, he knows that we are his "Mum" and "Dad." He has a two year old sister named M.
E spends little time away from me and is usually by my side. We have been working hard to get him to enjoy spending time away from me or on his own, but this is still a cause of great distress for him at times. He will stay happily with his Aunties and with his Nanny and Poppy, but has never successfully stayed with others.
He has a tendency to call other children "Sam" if he does not know them well. Sam is a friend of his, and therefore all friends are Sams!
E is very fearful. He can worry a lot about hurting himself, or about dying (drowning in particular.) He will ask us a lot of questions about something or a situation he is afraid of, but tends to panic and melt down if he is scared and I am not around.
His expressive language is advanced, but he rarely talks when meeting new people.
We assume his receptive language is fine, but were unable to test that during a speech therapy assessment. He was very aggravated, upset and uncooperative, so the session ran too far over time.
He does have a few speech idiosyncrasies, but they are quite random. For instance, he calls wisdom teeth "wizard teeth", power lines "power lions", and a crotch a "crutz." He seems to genuinely not understand that he is using the wrong word in these instances, and there are many other examples.
I will attach a copy of the speech therapist's comments and findings.
E does not like to be touched or hugged, but does touch other people. The Occupational Therapist we were seeing last year suggested that he had a poor ability to judge where his body is in space (poor proprioception.) He often bounces, crashes, tackles etc., and can play too roughly with others (if he can overcome his fear of actually talking to them!)
E is very particular about his clothing and is very prone to taking his clothes off (shirt in particular, but would be too embarrassed to go nude in public!) He regularly complains that he is hot, especially when feeling overwhelmed by noisy or crowded environments.
He does not like wearing a shirt once it has had water etc. dropped on it. I will pack extra t-shirts for him.
E is toilet trained (bar overnight), but is extremely self-conscious about going to the bathroom. We had a lot of trouble getting him to be able to poo on the toilet. He would hold it in for up to a week and eventually stretched himself to the point of foecal incontinence. Fortunately, this is no longer a typical problem, but I imagine he will be extremely reluctant to use the childrens' toilets. He may also try and urinate outside, somewhere private, to avoid having to use the toilet. I would love for him to be able to use the childrens' toilets, but it may be necessary for him to use the staff toilet if it is obvious he needs to go but is refusing.
A "meltdown" for E can be either quite explosive, or internalised.
At home he tends to scream, kick, cry etc. (basically have a tantrum), but it can last up to 90 minutes. Fortunately, it is not that common for this to happen away from home these days. Instead, you may find he tries to "hide" either under furniture or blankets/cushions, or if there is nothing available, he will pull his shirt over his head and curl up in a ball. He will often suck his shirt, fingers or sleeves to soothe himself. He some times flaps his arms.
To be honest, we have not managed to find any one, foolproof strategy for dealing with an explosive meltdown.
Where possible, we try to distract him or get his attention in another way. He is particularly interested in bugs and spiders, and likes the bugs encased in resin at the preschool.
If he is overwhelmed by his environment, we try and remove him. Where possible, we take him outdoors or to an empty room/quiet space where he can not hurt himself. Trying to hold him, or touching him at all, generally intensifies his reaction. If he is not too distressed, but clearly wants to "hide", we allow it where possible. It is a way he has learned to regulate himself.
E is a collector and a hoarder, and will hide things away. He also has a tendency to line things up. He becomes quite attached to random objects and can be quite possessive of them. A few days will pass, and he will have forgotten the once important spoon or seashell and will move on to something else. We try very hard to get him to share, but he can be quite ruthless about 'his' things and gets upset when people move them or touch them. This is obviously something we are really working on improving. We are trying to stress the importance of not taking things that don't belong to him, but we often find items missing from our rooms or the kitchen, only to discover them later, stashed in an old bag or box with other "treasures."
Unfortunately, many social niceties confound E. For instance he does not seem to know that when one is greeted with a friendly "hello", it is polite to respond. We model good manners and always prompt him, but he rarely says "thank you", "please", "hello" or "goodbye."
He is a real stickler for the rules and gets upset when others break them. He just needs to know exactly what they are.
His attention span is pretty limited, as with many preschoolers I suppose! However, he is far happier playing outside and being active than being inside with a book or activity. The OT has suggested that his fine motor skills are not where they should be, but we feel this is more a result of where his interests lie than a physical problem. I have noticed he has a tendency to either press too soft or too hard with the pencil, but I don't know how remarkable that is in a four year old!
E does tend to give "messy" play a go, but can be very sensitive about stuff getting stuck to his hands or face in particular. We find the best way of coping with a messy activity is to have a packet of wipes, tissues, washer or tap nearby, so that at any point he is able to wash his hands. We have been working hard at home this past year on his tactile sensitivities, and he has made dramatic improvements. He used to need to wipe his mouth after every bite of food, but that has improved a lot as well. We have also been working on trying to get him to stop blowing raspberries or making repetitive vocal sounds. We encourage him at those times to try and whistle instead or to at least be very quiet if he must make sounds. It often helps to distract him and break the cycle.
We have been working with a psychologist over the last couple of months. He said he is available to discuss E's needs if required, and I shall attach his contact details to the end of this email.
We have been in contact with a clinical psychologist at a child and adolescent mental health service. We are due to have E assessed there soon, hopefully within the next six weeks.
We are hoping to re-visit with the speech therapist in order to test E's receptive language. We will pass on any results we obtain.
We are also meeting next week with a new Occupational Therapist and again will pass on any relevant information she gives us.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact us at any time.
I hope I have not included too much irrelevant information, but I thought it best to give more info than not enough.
Kind regards
Dear teacher,
I wanted to write to you about our son, who will be in your class this year.
E has PDD-NOS (pervasive development disorder-not otherwise specified), and high anxiety.
I thought I would give you as much information as I could so that you are as well equipped as possible to manage E.
He is a kind-hearted, sensitive boy, but is easily overwhelmed and not well versed in social protocol. We think in part this is due to the PDD-NOS, but the anxiety seems to really get in the way of him having the opportunity to develop much needed social skills.
E is very attached to me, his Mother. He has always called his father and I by our first names, however, he knows that we are his "Mum" and "Dad." He has a two year old sister named M.
E spends little time away from me and is usually by my side. We have been working hard to get him to enjoy spending time away from me or on his own, but this is still a cause of great distress for him at times. He will stay happily with his Aunties and with his Nanny and Poppy, but has never successfully stayed with others.
He has a tendency to call other children "Sam" if he does not know them well. Sam is a friend of his, and therefore all friends are Sams!
E is very fearful. He can worry a lot about hurting himself, or about dying (drowning in particular.) He will ask us a lot of questions about something or a situation he is afraid of, but tends to panic and melt down if he is scared and I am not around.
His expressive language is advanced, but he rarely talks when meeting new people.
We assume his receptive language is fine, but were unable to test that during a speech therapy assessment. He was very aggravated, upset and uncooperative, so the session ran too far over time.
He does have a few speech idiosyncrasies, but they are quite random. For instance, he calls wisdom teeth "wizard teeth", power lines "power lions", and a crotch a "crutz." He seems to genuinely not understand that he is using the wrong word in these instances, and there are many other examples.
I will attach a copy of the speech therapist's comments and findings.
E does not like to be touched or hugged, but does touch other people. The Occupational Therapist we were seeing last year suggested that he had a poor ability to judge where his body is in space (poor proprioception.) He often bounces, crashes, tackles etc., and can play too roughly with others (if he can overcome his fear of actually talking to them!)
E is very particular about his clothing and is very prone to taking his clothes off (shirt in particular, but would be too embarrassed to go nude in public!) He regularly complains that he is hot, especially when feeling overwhelmed by noisy or crowded environments.
He does not like wearing a shirt once it has had water etc. dropped on it. I will pack extra t-shirts for him.
E is toilet trained (bar overnight), but is extremely self-conscious about going to the bathroom. We had a lot of trouble getting him to be able to poo on the toilet. He would hold it in for up to a week and eventually stretched himself to the point of foecal incontinence. Fortunately, this is no longer a typical problem, but I imagine he will be extremely reluctant to use the childrens' toilets. He may also try and urinate outside, somewhere private, to avoid having to use the toilet. I would love for him to be able to use the childrens' toilets, but it may be necessary for him to use the staff toilet if it is obvious he needs to go but is refusing.
A "meltdown" for E can be either quite explosive, or internalised.
At home he tends to scream, kick, cry etc. (basically have a tantrum), but it can last up to 90 minutes. Fortunately, it is not that common for this to happen away from home these days. Instead, you may find he tries to "hide" either under furniture or blankets/cushions, or if there is nothing available, he will pull his shirt over his head and curl up in a ball. He will often suck his shirt, fingers or sleeves to soothe himself. He some times flaps his arms.
To be honest, we have not managed to find any one, foolproof strategy for dealing with an explosive meltdown.
Where possible, we try to distract him or get his attention in another way. He is particularly interested in bugs and spiders, and likes the bugs encased in resin at the preschool.
If he is overwhelmed by his environment, we try and remove him. Where possible, we take him outdoors or to an empty room/quiet space where he can not hurt himself. Trying to hold him, or touching him at all, generally intensifies his reaction. If he is not too distressed, but clearly wants to "hide", we allow it where possible. It is a way he has learned to regulate himself.
E is a collector and a hoarder, and will hide things away. He also has a tendency to line things up. He becomes quite attached to random objects and can be quite possessive of them. A few days will pass, and he will have forgotten the once important spoon or seashell and will move on to something else. We try very hard to get him to share, but he can be quite ruthless about 'his' things and gets upset when people move them or touch them. This is obviously something we are really working on improving. We are trying to stress the importance of not taking things that don't belong to him, but we often find items missing from our rooms or the kitchen, only to discover them later, stashed in an old bag or box with other "treasures."
Unfortunately, many social niceties confound E. For instance he does not seem to know that when one is greeted with a friendly "hello", it is polite to respond. We model good manners and always prompt him, but he rarely says "thank you", "please", "hello" or "goodbye."
He is a real stickler for the rules and gets upset when others break them. He just needs to know exactly what they are.
His attention span is pretty limited, as with many preschoolers I suppose! However, he is far happier playing outside and being active than being inside with a book or activity. The OT has suggested that his fine motor skills are not where they should be, but we feel this is more a result of where his interests lie than a physical problem. I have noticed he has a tendency to either press too soft or too hard with the pencil, but I don't know how remarkable that is in a four year old!
E does tend to give "messy" play a go, but can be very sensitive about stuff getting stuck to his hands or face in particular. We find the best way of coping with a messy activity is to have a packet of wipes, tissues, washer or tap nearby, so that at any point he is able to wash his hands. We have been working hard at home this past year on his tactile sensitivities, and he has made dramatic improvements. He used to need to wipe his mouth after every bite of food, but that has improved a lot as well. We have also been working on trying to get him to stop blowing raspberries or making repetitive vocal sounds. We encourage him at those times to try and whistle instead or to at least be very quiet if he must make sounds. It often helps to distract him and break the cycle.
We have been working with a psychologist over the last couple of months. He said he is available to discuss E's needs if required, and I shall attach his contact details to the end of this email.
We have been in contact with a clinical psychologist at a child and adolescent mental health service. We are due to have E assessed there soon, hopefully within the next six weeks.
We are hoping to re-visit with the speech therapist in order to test E's receptive language. We will pass on any results we obtain.
We are also meeting next week with a new Occupational Therapist and again will pass on any relevant information she gives us.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact us at any time.
I hope I have not included too much irrelevant information, but I thought it best to give more info than not enough.
Kind regards
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Counting Down
I am becoming increasingly uneasy as we count down towards the day E starts school. He is so scared and so upset. We know that he is anxious about being hurt while he is there and not having me with him, but I'm not sure how to ease those fears.
We have a worry doll that I have tried to get him to use. We read the story of Silly Billy who worries so much until he gets a special worry doll to carry his worries for him, but he can't seem to make the connection or see the point in doing it himself.
We have been reading a book that the school sent us, about the preschool day. It is a very good idea. It has photos from the school as well, for instance, "Mum and Dad will help you put your lunch in the big fridge" with a picture of a girl putting her lunch in the school fridge. I noticed that a paediatric dentist's website had a similar thing in the form of a slide show. The book seems to just upset him more some times, but I know there are parts he finds reassuring so we are keeping it up.
Husband face has taken the day off work so he can take him there. I'm not sure if M and I will go too. I have tried to make an appointment to see the psychologist again before we go so I could ask him, but he is on leave. I am trying to be confident.
We had such a shock last year when we attempted to send him to a different preschool. We knew then that he was "clingy" and an anxious child, but everybody assured us that he would be fine, that it was normal and so on. I did believe that would be the case. I believed the first few weeks would be tricky, but we would get there in the end and he would be ok.
He lasted two days.
After the first day, he barely stopped sobbing for the rest of week, slept on top of me, even crying in his sleep.
When I picked him up on the second day. I was shocked. He was being walked back from the toilet with his teacher. He had his head in his t-shirt, sucking it, arms pulled in too, curling himself up as he staggered back. She said he needed to poo but wouldn't go. She said she wasn't sure if she should hold him on the toilet until he went. I am so glad she didn't. He had wet himself a few times and was in wet pants after being changed twice. I don't think that is the school's fault; I just don't think they could get them off him. He wouldn't eat or drink. He went to the toilet as soon as we left and could find a public loo. Then he ate and drank, and then he cried himself to sleep. I got about 2 hours sleep over the next two nights as I couldn't get him off my lap, and he was having nightmares, screaming and crying all night.
I didn't know what to do. Was this normal? People assured me it was and that he would be OK, but I couldn't do it to him after that second night! I called to speak to them and agreed with me that they didn't think he was ready, and that he was too distressed.
It took about six months from that point for him to be able to be more than about a metre away from me. Even when he was riding his scooter, I had to walk beside him or he would tear up and come running back to me. We saw a Paediatrician who diagnosed him with severe Seperation Anxiety Disorder and suggested we think about home schooling him. We saw a psychologist for a few months who tried her darnedest but made little difference. We then went to OT, which he was so anxious about attending, he would vomit and shake uncontrollably. We got a second opinion from another Paediatrician who diagnosed the PDD-NOS and anxiety. Then more OT. Then a new psych. Fast forward and here we are again, about to start preschool.
I feel much more prepared in many ways, but I am also terrified. Those two days did so much damage last year. Intellectually, I know that if it hadn't been two days of preschool, it would have been something else. He had been working up towards that level of anxiety and whatnot as he was getting older so it would have happened anyway, and we can manage him better now than ever before.
But can the school? Can his teacher? Will the same thing happen again? The clinical psychologist at Redbank House said, over the phone, that she wasn't sure he could cope with preschool at this stage. But, the psychologist we have seen 4 or 5 times now thinks he will get there "in his own time", but that it will be tough.
I simply do not have enough faith in myself to say everything is going to go a certain way. The uncertainty is terrifying for all of us, but I am trying not to get trapped in to dreading everything or expecting the worse. There's a delicate balance to be attained, and some days I am there, and other days I am wobbling along like Mr Plod.
Look... (I am talking to myself here!).. We have done our orientation visits. He is familiar with the school and the majority of staff members. The fact that he is worried about how long it will take to pick him up proves that he has accepted that he will have to go, irregardless. I will write an email to his teacher to suggest strategies for managing him. They have his paed report and OT reports. They have his diagnosis. Deep breaths.
I am losing way too much sleep over this and if I am tired, I will be more obviously stressed during the day when he is awake. So the plan is to focus on being both well-rested (for myself) and organised (for E), as I know that will help.
Clothes are being labelled, rest bags are being sewn, and butterflies are cavorting in my stomach.
Wish us luck, please!!!!!!
We have a worry doll that I have tried to get him to use. We read the story of Silly Billy who worries so much until he gets a special worry doll to carry his worries for him, but he can't seem to make the connection or see the point in doing it himself.
We have been reading a book that the school sent us, about the preschool day. It is a very good idea. It has photos from the school as well, for instance, "Mum and Dad will help you put your lunch in the big fridge" with a picture of a girl putting her lunch in the school fridge. I noticed that a paediatric dentist's website had a similar thing in the form of a slide show. The book seems to just upset him more some times, but I know there are parts he finds reassuring so we are keeping it up.
Husband face has taken the day off work so he can take him there. I'm not sure if M and I will go too. I have tried to make an appointment to see the psychologist again before we go so I could ask him, but he is on leave. I am trying to be confident.
We had such a shock last year when we attempted to send him to a different preschool. We knew then that he was "clingy" and an anxious child, but everybody assured us that he would be fine, that it was normal and so on. I did believe that would be the case. I believed the first few weeks would be tricky, but we would get there in the end and he would be ok.
He lasted two days.
After the first day, he barely stopped sobbing for the rest of week, slept on top of me, even crying in his sleep.
When I picked him up on the second day. I was shocked. He was being walked back from the toilet with his teacher. He had his head in his t-shirt, sucking it, arms pulled in too, curling himself up as he staggered back. She said he needed to poo but wouldn't go. She said she wasn't sure if she should hold him on the toilet until he went. I am so glad she didn't. He had wet himself a few times and was in wet pants after being changed twice. I don't think that is the school's fault; I just don't think they could get them off him. He wouldn't eat or drink. He went to the toilet as soon as we left and could find a public loo. Then he ate and drank, and then he cried himself to sleep. I got about 2 hours sleep over the next two nights as I couldn't get him off my lap, and he was having nightmares, screaming and crying all night.
I didn't know what to do. Was this normal? People assured me it was and that he would be OK, but I couldn't do it to him after that second night! I called to speak to them and agreed with me that they didn't think he was ready, and that he was too distressed.
It took about six months from that point for him to be able to be more than about a metre away from me. Even when he was riding his scooter, I had to walk beside him or he would tear up and come running back to me. We saw a Paediatrician who diagnosed him with severe Seperation Anxiety Disorder and suggested we think about home schooling him. We saw a psychologist for a few months who tried her darnedest but made little difference. We then went to OT, which he was so anxious about attending, he would vomit and shake uncontrollably. We got a second opinion from another Paediatrician who diagnosed the PDD-NOS and anxiety. Then more OT. Then a new psych. Fast forward and here we are again, about to start preschool.
I feel much more prepared in many ways, but I am also terrified. Those two days did so much damage last year. Intellectually, I know that if it hadn't been two days of preschool, it would have been something else. He had been working up towards that level of anxiety and whatnot as he was getting older so it would have happened anyway, and we can manage him better now than ever before.
But can the school? Can his teacher? Will the same thing happen again? The clinical psychologist at Redbank House said, over the phone, that she wasn't sure he could cope with preschool at this stage. But, the psychologist we have seen 4 or 5 times now thinks he will get there "in his own time", but that it will be tough.
I simply do not have enough faith in myself to say everything is going to go a certain way. The uncertainty is terrifying for all of us, but I am trying not to get trapped in to dreading everything or expecting the worse. There's a delicate balance to be attained, and some days I am there, and other days I am wobbling along like Mr Plod.
Look... (I am talking to myself here!).. We have done our orientation visits. He is familiar with the school and the majority of staff members. The fact that he is worried about how long it will take to pick him up proves that he has accepted that he will have to go, irregardless. I will write an email to his teacher to suggest strategies for managing him. They have his paed report and OT reports. They have his diagnosis. Deep breaths.
I am losing way too much sleep over this and if I am tired, I will be more obviously stressed during the day when he is awake. So the plan is to focus on being both well-rested (for myself) and organised (for E), as I know that will help.
Clothes are being labelled, rest bags are being sewn, and butterflies are cavorting in my stomach.
Wish us luck, please!!!!!!
Friday, January 18, 2013
Action Stations
We had a phone call from a clinical psychologist at Redbank House. It is a child and adolescent mental health clinic. Our GP and Paediatrician referred us there to help us deal with E's anxiety. She was very good to talk to. She said they do a comprehensive assessment, diagnoses, then sit down with us an formulate a plan for treatment, if required. She can't give us a particular time or date, but she said she is hoping it will begin within the next five weeks. This is very good news as they are real experts, and the waiting list is usually very long.
We have also seen the psychologist again. We talked to him about E's increasingly stereotypical autistic behaviors, like hoarding and grouping items, lining them up and so on. He said for a lot of PDD kids, it's a form of play, so needs the same restrictions as you would give for any other activity. For example, there are only certain places he can do it, he needs to pack away afterwards. He said to give him plenty of tins and boxes and hidey holes (which we have done already), but to make sure he keeps them in his room and can only have one box out at a time.
We also talked to him about starting preschool in 2 short weeks. He suggested husband face should take him, and that E and I should have as much time apart as possible between now and then. He said we need to continue taking him unless the school say they can not deal with him. I am really stressed about it, but trying not to show it. I am still reminding myself that it's not preschool he hates, it's change, but it is good for him in the long run.
Otherwise, things are going reasonably well. He is generally a pleasure to be around, but he is often stressed and anxious, or obsessing over something. I wish we had a way of being able to get him to really relax. The most relaxed he ever is is when he is with my Mum's dogs. We are definitely getting dogs when the kids are a bit older!
M has just turned two and is becoming increasingly challenging. It can be a difficult age, but also an exciting one, as she is so interested in everything and enthusiastic about so many different things.
I really am very lucky.
We have also seen the psychologist again. We talked to him about E's increasingly stereotypical autistic behaviors, like hoarding and grouping items, lining them up and so on. He said for a lot of PDD kids, it's a form of play, so needs the same restrictions as you would give for any other activity. For example, there are only certain places he can do it, he needs to pack away afterwards. He said to give him plenty of tins and boxes and hidey holes (which we have done already), but to make sure he keeps them in his room and can only have one box out at a time.
We also talked to him about starting preschool in 2 short weeks. He suggested husband face should take him, and that E and I should have as much time apart as possible between now and then. He said we need to continue taking him unless the school say they can not deal with him. I am really stressed about it, but trying not to show it. I am still reminding myself that it's not preschool he hates, it's change, but it is good for him in the long run.
Otherwise, things are going reasonably well. He is generally a pleasure to be around, but he is often stressed and anxious, or obsessing over something. I wish we had a way of being able to get him to really relax. The most relaxed he ever is is when he is with my Mum's dogs. We are definitely getting dogs when the kids are a bit older!
M has just turned two and is becoming increasingly challenging. It can be a difficult age, but also an exciting one, as she is so interested in everything and enthusiastic about so many different things.
I really am very lucky.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Blah!
We have had a bad day with E. It is now 3am and he has just gone back to sleep after a night terror/tantrum/ear piercing screaming episode. He has been difficult all day; extremely argumentative, aggressive, heaps of vocal stimming (i.e. screeching or screaming) which he has not really been doing much of lately. Husband face and I discussed how well he had been doing since we started being stricter with his diet, and really limiting the amount of crap food he was eating, mainly lollies and chocolate. A day or two ago, I made a packet cake. It's not something I usually make, but I wanted to try out a particular technique and didn't want to waste perfectly good butter etc if it didn't turn out, so I bought the 79c cake mix. Well, the cake did turn out and E really liked it and had a fair whack of it today. The thing was full of food additives; some harmless, some not so harmless.
I have wondered many, many times in the past about whether or not food additives are a problem for E. He is certainly sensitive to many common allergens, and suffers hayfever and eczema as a result, but I have never seen such terrifying behaviour that seemed to obviously be a response to a particular food.
Maybe it was just a bad day for him anyway, followed by a bad night.
But I am going to get back to avoiding the processed shit anyway. Just in case.
I have wondered many, many times in the past about whether or not food additives are a problem for E. He is certainly sensitive to many common allergens, and suffers hayfever and eczema as a result, but I have never seen such terrifying behaviour that seemed to obviously be a response to a particular food.
Maybe it was just a bad day for him anyway, followed by a bad night.
But I am going to get back to avoiding the processed shit anyway. Just in case.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
The Other Sensation
So, this is a post about M. She is not the star of this blog, but she is no less important than her big brother, E.
Husband-face and I are beginning to wonder if she is 'gifted.' I use the inverted commas here because I am quite embarrassed that I may be wrong and she is just a bit of a smarty pants. I am conscious of sounding too boastful, but I don't think I am wrong in saying she is kind of remarkable.
She is about to turn 2. Her birthday is on the 17th of January. My pregnancy with her was mostly enjoyable. She was planned and we found ourselves staring in disbelief at a positive pregnancy test less than 2 weeks after we decided we would start trying for a second child.
She was an alert baby. She was the noisy baby on the ward, screaming her head off at just a few hours old. I laughed. I had to, or I would have burst in to tears! But oh my, how I loved her anyway. She cried a lot. She always wanted to bear weight on her legs from only a week or two old, and would scream if we didn't hold her up to do so. She screamed in the car. She screamed at night. She just.. Screamed! We medicated her for reflux to some relief, but then, we found out she had hip dysplasia and she was put in to a pavlik harness which greatly restricted her movement. She screamed louder and longer than ever before. She HATED that thing, as did we all. I fell in to quite a deep depression during that time. I loved her so much and she was so uncomfortable. She wanted desperately to sit up, to be able to move about and explore on her tummy, but she was only allowed this after 2 or so months in the harness, and even then, for only an hour or so a week. We were 'reassured' by the doctors that babies got used to the harness, but she never did. The day we were told we could take it off was a wonderful day! We were told, however, to expect her to reach physical milestones later than average. She had missed the average age to roll over, but took to that quite happily once she was free at around 6 months of age.
Next, she crawled, but not for long. She was still always happiest when she was bearing weight on her legs, and standing. She skipped cruising furniture entirely and went straight to walking at 9 months old. She was a happier, much more relaxed little person.
At over 12 months old, she was diagnosed with a tongue tie. I had questioned this several times when she was a newborn as we have always had difficulties breastfeeding. I was 'reassured' that her tongue was fine. We a still on the waiting list to have her tongue snipped, which must now be done under a general anaesthetic due to her age. Our estimated surgery date is July 2013, which will be 13 months after our consultation with the surgeon. We started to worry that her tonight tie was effecting her speech as she never seemed to say much. She seemed always to be happy, but quiet. She said 'Mum' and 'Dad' and a few other babbly bits and bobs. I started asking other Mothers I knew if I should be concerned. She clearly understood us, though. Before she turned one, she began nodding and shaking her head to indicate yes or no. Husband face and I were always very grateful that it was "so easy to figure out what she wanted." Her body language and the noises she made were always very easy for us to interpret. And then the language started. Like a rocket. Like a punch in the face.
At this age, it is typical for children to be starting to put two words together. It is called a "two word utterance", e.g. "Daddy drink", "Mummy ball." It should all be about nouns, and Proper nouns. Maybe one or two verbs.
But M has long surpassed that stage and perhaps even skipped it. I can't remember. She now speaks in complex and compound sentences, e.g. "I want to go for a swim, but I don't want to wear sunscreen!" She uses lots of wonderful adjectives, like 'horrible', 'ridiculous' and 'humongous!' She is like a language sponge. If we use a word once, she has added it to her lexicon and will start using it, too. We some times have to interpret for others what she is saying, however, but those who know her best can almost always understand her. She asks "why?" a lot, which is a language thing (practicing the give and take of conversation), but she is also curious. "What are you doing?" she asks. What happened? Why are you doing that? What is that for?
She sings. She sings Twinkle Twinkle and Humpty Dumpty. She sings "Dave likes to wear dirty underwear!", A sing-songy insult from the film, Alvin and the Chipmunks. She loves certain TV shows and will even watch the cartoons her older brother loves and are much different to Dora and Peppa Pig. She makes up her own songs. She sings "Wipe my bum cracker, bum cracker, bum cracker, bum!" when she has pooed. Her favourite shape is a triangle, though she cannot draw one, she knows most of her colours. Her favourite is pink. She says numbers, mostly out of order, but today she counted "8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15", counting her jumps on the trampoline. She shook my breast the other day before I fed her, and I asked what she was doing. She said she was making a milk shake, with a big silly chuckle at how funny she was.
Tonight, I pointed at about 12 icons on the laptop, all identical. All episodes of Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom, a favourite television program. I named the titles for her and pointed, "Daisy and Poppy", "The Egg" etc. She remembered over half of the titles and which icon corresponded with which episode.
So, perhaps she is gifted. Perhaps she is not. Either way, she is quite special, but also becoming increasingly bored with the monotony of home life. I have withdrawn her from day care and don't wish to send her until she is old enough to go to a Not For Profit preschool. With one child who struggles when life is not 100% predictable, and one who craves adventures and action and new ideas, I can see we may be in for a few more bumpy years.
Now, anybody want to take M for me for a few days? My brain is drained!
Husband-face and I are beginning to wonder if she is 'gifted.' I use the inverted commas here because I am quite embarrassed that I may be wrong and she is just a bit of a smarty pants. I am conscious of sounding too boastful, but I don't think I am wrong in saying she is kind of remarkable.
She is about to turn 2. Her birthday is on the 17th of January. My pregnancy with her was mostly enjoyable. She was planned and we found ourselves staring in disbelief at a positive pregnancy test less than 2 weeks after we decided we would start trying for a second child.
She was an alert baby. She was the noisy baby on the ward, screaming her head off at just a few hours old. I laughed. I had to, or I would have burst in to tears! But oh my, how I loved her anyway. She cried a lot. She always wanted to bear weight on her legs from only a week or two old, and would scream if we didn't hold her up to do so. She screamed in the car. She screamed at night. She just.. Screamed! We medicated her for reflux to some relief, but then, we found out she had hip dysplasia and she was put in to a pavlik harness which greatly restricted her movement. She screamed louder and longer than ever before. She HATED that thing, as did we all. I fell in to quite a deep depression during that time. I loved her so much and she was so uncomfortable. She wanted desperately to sit up, to be able to move about and explore on her tummy, but she was only allowed this after 2 or so months in the harness, and even then, for only an hour or so a week. We were 'reassured' by the doctors that babies got used to the harness, but she never did. The day we were told we could take it off was a wonderful day! We were told, however, to expect her to reach physical milestones later than average. She had missed the average age to roll over, but took to that quite happily once she was free at around 6 months of age.
Next, she crawled, but not for long. She was still always happiest when she was bearing weight on her legs, and standing. She skipped cruising furniture entirely and went straight to walking at 9 months old. She was a happier, much more relaxed little person.
At over 12 months old, she was diagnosed with a tongue tie. I had questioned this several times when she was a newborn as we have always had difficulties breastfeeding. I was 'reassured' that her tongue was fine. We a still on the waiting list to have her tongue snipped, which must now be done under a general anaesthetic due to her age. Our estimated surgery date is July 2013, which will be 13 months after our consultation with the surgeon. We started to worry that her tonight tie was effecting her speech as she never seemed to say much. She seemed always to be happy, but quiet. She said 'Mum' and 'Dad' and a few other babbly bits and bobs. I started asking other Mothers I knew if I should be concerned. She clearly understood us, though. Before she turned one, she began nodding and shaking her head to indicate yes or no. Husband face and I were always very grateful that it was "so easy to figure out what she wanted." Her body language and the noises she made were always very easy for us to interpret. And then the language started. Like a rocket. Like a punch in the face.
At this age, it is typical for children to be starting to put two words together. It is called a "two word utterance", e.g. "Daddy drink", "Mummy ball." It should all be about nouns, and Proper nouns. Maybe one or two verbs.
But M has long surpassed that stage and perhaps even skipped it. I can't remember. She now speaks in complex and compound sentences, e.g. "I want to go for a swim, but I don't want to wear sunscreen!" She uses lots of wonderful adjectives, like 'horrible', 'ridiculous' and 'humongous!' She is like a language sponge. If we use a word once, she has added it to her lexicon and will start using it, too. We some times have to interpret for others what she is saying, however, but those who know her best can almost always understand her. She asks "why?" a lot, which is a language thing (practicing the give and take of conversation), but she is also curious. "What are you doing?" she asks. What happened? Why are you doing that? What is that for?
She sings. She sings Twinkle Twinkle and Humpty Dumpty. She sings "Dave likes to wear dirty underwear!", A sing-songy insult from the film, Alvin and the Chipmunks. She loves certain TV shows and will even watch the cartoons her older brother loves and are much different to Dora and Peppa Pig. She makes up her own songs. She sings "Wipe my bum cracker, bum cracker, bum cracker, bum!" when she has pooed. Her favourite shape is a triangle, though she cannot draw one, she knows most of her colours. Her favourite is pink. She says numbers, mostly out of order, but today she counted "8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15", counting her jumps on the trampoline. She shook my breast the other day before I fed her, and I asked what she was doing. She said she was making a milk shake, with a big silly chuckle at how funny she was.
Tonight, I pointed at about 12 icons on the laptop, all identical. All episodes of Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom, a favourite television program. I named the titles for her and pointed, "Daisy and Poppy", "The Egg" etc. She remembered over half of the titles and which icon corresponded with which episode.
So, perhaps she is gifted. Perhaps she is not. Either way, she is quite special, but also becoming increasingly bored with the monotony of home life. I have withdrawn her from day care and don't wish to send her until she is old enough to go to a Not For Profit preschool. With one child who struggles when life is not 100% predictable, and one who craves adventures and action and new ideas, I can see we may be in for a few more bumpy years.
Now, anybody want to take M for me for a few days? My brain is drained!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Bad Days
There are so many days when I think "there can't possibly be anything wrong with E! He does not have autism!"
And then there are days like today, when his whole world falls apart, over and over and over and over again.
Fingers crossed for a better tomorrow
And then there are days like today, when his whole world falls apart, over and over and over and over again.
Fingers crossed for a better tomorrow
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Roll On 2013
Long time, no post!
Things are going well here. We survived Christmas with the in-laws. We ended up leaving early as E was unhappy with all the people he didn't really know dropping by, but we spent a few days with his grandparents before Christmas and he was fabulous.
I am being firm. I am being loving. I am trying not to be anxious that preschool starts in a few weeks. We are being explicit about the fact we are meeting his needs. Eg "we are so glad we could take you out today, E. We are so glad we could make you this sandwich!" We are meeting your needs! Look! It is insanely helpful. Insane. The difference in him is staggering. And then I think that is increasing his confidence so much that he is so brave with other kids and is actually engaging with them in play.
His concentration seems to be getting better too now that we are really encouraging him to release the energy he has. We get him out on his bike or scooter, kicking a soccer ball or splashing in the shallows of my parent's pool. I have started reading a chapter book to him and M every night instead of our usual picture books that he has never really been that interested in. M falls asleep and E listens on, intrigued, then talks about what happened all the next day. We are just finishing George's Marvelous Medicine by Roald Dahl and he is eager to choose another book to read next!
The future is looking bright. Finally, we seem to be getting the hang of him. It is not perfect. His concrete thinking is often very frustrating, and his need for sameness seems to be getting worse. He has become a real stickler for the "rules" which may sound like a good thing, but can be very distressing for him when M, particularly, is breaking a rule. He was crying and rocking today, curled up in a ball, because M had her arms out of her car seat straps and wouldn't put them back in. But we are coping with those moments as they arise and hopefully he will start to interact with our psychologist and learn how to be "OK" with those sorts of things.
So that is us, for now :)
Things are going well here. We survived Christmas with the in-laws. We ended up leaving early as E was unhappy with all the people he didn't really know dropping by, but we spent a few days with his grandparents before Christmas and he was fabulous.
I am being firm. I am being loving. I am trying not to be anxious that preschool starts in a few weeks. We are being explicit about the fact we are meeting his needs. Eg "we are so glad we could take you out today, E. We are so glad we could make you this sandwich!" We are meeting your needs! Look! It is insanely helpful. Insane. The difference in him is staggering. And then I think that is increasing his confidence so much that he is so brave with other kids and is actually engaging with them in play.
His concentration seems to be getting better too now that we are really encouraging him to release the energy he has. We get him out on his bike or scooter, kicking a soccer ball or splashing in the shallows of my parent's pool. I have started reading a chapter book to him and M every night instead of our usual picture books that he has never really been that interested in. M falls asleep and E listens on, intrigued, then talks about what happened all the next day. We are just finishing George's Marvelous Medicine by Roald Dahl and he is eager to choose another book to read next!
The future is looking bright. Finally, we seem to be getting the hang of him. It is not perfect. His concrete thinking is often very frustrating, and his need for sameness seems to be getting worse. He has become a real stickler for the "rules" which may sound like a good thing, but can be very distressing for him when M, particularly, is breaking a rule. He was crying and rocking today, curled up in a ball, because M had her arms out of her car seat straps and wouldn't put them back in. But we are coping with those moments as they arise and hopefully he will start to interact with our psychologist and learn how to be "OK" with those sorts of things.
So that is us, for now :)
Friday, December 21, 2012
Change, & Funny Words
I am coping better with E's distress when I leave him now or can't do something for him. I have started to think about it like this: E is a kid that does not like change. It upsets him a lot when things don't go the way they usually do, and when people do things they don't usually do. This is why he flips out when I go out on my own, or do anything on my own, because he is used to having me around. I am not abandoning him or ignoring his needs. It is just hard for him because it is different. The more I do it, the less different it will be become, and he will gradually be less and less distressed by it. It is not my fault.
So I just keep telling myself that when I am feeling close to caving, and it helps so much. I need to feel like it is not my fault, which gives me the strength I need to just do it.
And it is working for him. I spent yesterday afternoon pampering myself and christmas shopping while the kids stayed home with husband face. He was so upset that I was leaving, but he had a great afternoon with his Dad and I came home to a happy house. Then, he was mucking around in the big bed at bed time, so we said, if you do it again, you have to go in your own bed. No negotiations. So he starts doing somersaults and husband face takes him to his own bed. He was screaming and crying, kicking the walls and his Dad. But he fell asleep. And for the first time in his 4.5 years of life, when he woke up (as he does many times during the night) he called for his Dad and not for me. I am so excited and happy about this that I am awake at 6am and nobody else is!
Moving on to something else..
E has a wonderful vocabulary and great expressive language, but he says some words wrong. He can't seem to help it and doesn't seem to recognize that he is using the wrong word in place of another, even after we have corrected him.
For example, he says
"lion" instead of "line"
"wizard teeth" instead of "wisdom teeth"
"crutz" instead of "crotch"
"eject shop" instead of "reject shop"
He also says "gravy yard" instead of "graveyard." We passed a graveyard in the car the other day, and he was asking what the tombstones were. I was trying to explain without freaking him out, and M pipes up "Don't want gravy on chips! Want sauce! Tomato sauce!" and E was like... 'Wtf? Why is she talking about sauce and gravy when I am talking about a graveyard?' So I was trying to explain that he says "gravy" instead of "grave" and he just had no idea what I was talking about. And she is yelling "want chips now! No gravy!" Fark it was flipping hilarious, but maybe you just had to be there ;)
So I just keep telling myself that when I am feeling close to caving, and it helps so much. I need to feel like it is not my fault, which gives me the strength I need to just do it.
And it is working for him. I spent yesterday afternoon pampering myself and christmas shopping while the kids stayed home with husband face. He was so upset that I was leaving, but he had a great afternoon with his Dad and I came home to a happy house. Then, he was mucking around in the big bed at bed time, so we said, if you do it again, you have to go in your own bed. No negotiations. So he starts doing somersaults and husband face takes him to his own bed. He was screaming and crying, kicking the walls and his Dad. But he fell asleep. And for the first time in his 4.5 years of life, when he woke up (as he does many times during the night) he called for his Dad and not for me. I am so excited and happy about this that I am awake at 6am and nobody else is!
Moving on to something else..
E has a wonderful vocabulary and great expressive language, but he says some words wrong. He can't seem to help it and doesn't seem to recognize that he is using the wrong word in place of another, even after we have corrected him.
For example, he says
"lion" instead of "line"
"wizard teeth" instead of "wisdom teeth"
"crutz" instead of "crotch"
"eject shop" instead of "reject shop"
He also says "gravy yard" instead of "graveyard." We passed a graveyard in the car the other day, and he was asking what the tombstones were. I was trying to explain without freaking him out, and M pipes up "Don't want gravy on chips! Want sauce! Tomato sauce!" and E was like... 'Wtf? Why is she talking about sauce and gravy when I am talking about a graveyard?' So I was trying to explain that he says "gravy" instead of "grave" and he just had no idea what I was talking about. And she is yelling "want chips now! No gravy!" Fark it was flipping hilarious, but maybe you just had to be there ;)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Doctor, Doctor!
We saw our pediatrician today for the second time. He had us fill in an evaluation that I now cannot remember the name of! Gr! Something about identifying developmental delays I suppose. So he looked at that while we were there but did not comment much. I am hoping he will CC us the letter he sends to our GP as he did last time. We also showed him the results of E's speech assessment, which said she did not test his receptive language ability (only expressive) due to time constraints and non-compliance, so he said that may be worth revisiting further down the track.
He seemed concerned mainly with E's sleep. He has nightmares, night terrors and terrible separation anxiety throughout the night. We told him that we had followed up on his advice to contact Redbank House who I have mentioned before. They deal with child and adolescent mental health "stuff." They can't see us until March, but he says that is actually quite a short wait so that's good. He said they should be able to help more with the sleep stuff.
He said obviously we should just keep treating it as "high functioning autism" and follow the recommended guidelines for early intervention which we are doing.
He bought up medication again but agreed with us that it is not 100% in E's best interest to go down that path (yet.)
He also asked if we wanted to do blood tests for genetic testing, looking for abnormalities on the genome that may show that there it is a genetic factor. He said it is helpful from an academic point of view, but considering E's anxiety, would likely cause him extreme stress (yes indeed it would!!!!!!), and it isn't going to help us in treating him. So we have that on the back burner for now. Autism is in my family so there probably is a genetic factor, but like he said, not worth the stress of looking at that now.
So that was that and we see him again in 6 months. I think husbandface was slightly disheartened, but I didn't expect much more than what we got out of the appointment. E was less distressed than he was during the initial consultation so if nothing else, we have at least proven to him that it wasn't as bad as he had been imagining for 2 months.
In other news, E is back on the sticker chart wagon! Hooray! He placed the last sticker last night and after careful consideration, decided he would like an alarm clock for his reward. Just what every 4 year old wants?
I thought we would be looking for ages, but he spotted one he loved in the first shop we went to. To be fair, it is kind of awesome!
He seemed concerned mainly with E's sleep. He has nightmares, night terrors and terrible separation anxiety throughout the night. We told him that we had followed up on his advice to contact Redbank House who I have mentioned before. They deal with child and adolescent mental health "stuff." They can't see us until March, but he says that is actually quite a short wait so that's good. He said they should be able to help more with the sleep stuff.
He said obviously we should just keep treating it as "high functioning autism" and follow the recommended guidelines for early intervention which we are doing.
He bought up medication again but agreed with us that it is not 100% in E's best interest to go down that path (yet.)
He also asked if we wanted to do blood tests for genetic testing, looking for abnormalities on the genome that may show that there it is a genetic factor. He said it is helpful from an academic point of view, but considering E's anxiety, would likely cause him extreme stress (yes indeed it would!!!!!!), and it isn't going to help us in treating him. So we have that on the back burner for now. Autism is in my family so there probably is a genetic factor, but like he said, not worth the stress of looking at that now.
So that was that and we see him again in 6 months. I think husbandface was slightly disheartened, but I didn't expect much more than what we got out of the appointment. E was less distressed than he was during the initial consultation so if nothing else, we have at least proven to him that it wasn't as bad as he had been imagining for 2 months.
In other news, E is back on the sticker chart wagon! Hooray! He placed the last sticker last night and after careful consideration, decided he would like an alarm clock for his reward. Just what every 4 year old wants?
I thought we would be looking for ages, but he spotted one he loved in the first shop we went to. To be fair, it is kind of awesome!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
The Sweetest Things
I was tidying E's room earlier tonight and opened one of his little cupboards. I took a photo of what I found. The top shelf has all the deodorants and perfumes from the whole house. He loves smelly stuff and loves smelling nice. The second shelf has photo albums, mainly baby photos of E. The third shelf has buttons and clasps and whatnot from a special button box of mine that used to belong to my Nan. I didn't realise he had taken the photo albums or the buttons, but to see them treated with such care makes me want to weep. So sweet. I just shut the cupboard and didn't say anything. I don't mind if he wants to hold on to them.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Moving On
We have decided to stop seeing our OT and start seeing someone with more experience. Unfortunately, we don't have an assessment with this more experienced OT until February. So for now, we are just seeing the psychologist, and have a follow up appointment with the pediatrician next week.
Things have been going reasonably well. E is coping really well with my newfound firmness. I had him doing jobs to earn the money to buy the little toy he wanted, and we have taken down our Christmas tree after our warning were ignored and he would not stop messing around with it. As anticipated, the reward charts have lost their impact, but we are keeping it up, hoping he will regain some enthusiasm.
Things have been going reasonably well. E is coping really well with my newfound firmness. I had him doing jobs to earn the money to buy the little toy he wanted, and we have taken down our Christmas tree after our warning were ignored and he would not stop messing around with it. As anticipated, the reward charts have lost their impact, but we are keeping it up, hoping he will regain some enthusiasm.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Speech Results and whatnot..
I have not been coping beautifully the last few days. I am trying so hard to be assertive and consistent with the kids, but in doing that, it is forcing me to look at why it is so difficult for me to do that in the first place. I have been googling things like "how to unspoil your child" and so on. I hate that I am responsible for having made things harder, but the self-awareness I have does not fix the problem. I recognise that I have problems saying "No" to the kids, but have no idea how to stop myself. Perhaps it seems self-indulgent to talk about myself so much here. I have read many blogs and heard stories from many people, and they talk about their child and their child's condition, and not so much about themselves. But I am right at the centre of his universe and my mood, my history, my personality, all impact upon his life. Perhaps this blog should be called "parenting with a mental illness" or something. Who knows.Moving on. We got our results from the speech assessment. E scored at least average or above on all of parts of the assessment, and she has not recommended further therapy. So there we go. We aren't going to pursue further speech therapy, and have actually made the decision to find a new occupational therapist. We are very happy with the psychologist for the time being. And as promised, I have some photos of the visual charts we made with E. We did a hand washing sequence, and have a poster of house rules as well, which is proving to be handy as we refer to them often, and go through all of them again with both kids whenever they forget what is expected of them. I tried to make a sequencing chart for going to the toilet, as we are trying to encourage E to wipe himself, but he thought the pictures were disgusting and go quite upset, so we ditched it.All of the pictures were downloaded from a free website - http://www.visualaidsforlearning.comI have plans to make a getting ready for school/getting ready to start the day sequence chart as well, but did not want to overload him at the beginning. We have almost given up on the reward chart as, as always, he completely lost interest after a few days. I will give it one last big shot tomorrow, though. Perhaps if we re not spoiling him so much then a sticker will become more significant for him. We are trying to develop a focus for the chart as well as I think that will help. At the moment, he gets stickers for random things like using nice manners, helping around the house, or being kind to his sister, but I'm not sure what to focus on exactly. NB we changed the "I do it myself" picture to a "listen" picture. I'm not really sure why I out. The do it myself one on there in the first place! Nb again - it won't work from the iPad, so will edit this later with my little pictures.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Spoke Too Soon! (& Feeling Less Guilty)
So a few hours after my last post, E woke up at 2am and launched himself into full blown meltdown that woke our friends and M. It lasted over an hour, until he was eventually so exhausted that he fell asleep. However, aside from a little tiredness, we all had a happy day on Sunday, so I shall continue to claim the weekend as a success.
Today we had an appointment with E's psychologist, except he asked us that we try and leave the kids with someone for this session. My sister, bless her, had my two, but husband couldn't get out of work, so I went by myself. We talked mostly about Attachment Theory (he even had a little slideshow presentation on his laptop), and he went through the various Attachment Styles: Secure (50-60% of people), Insecure Ambivalent-Avoidant, Insecure Ambivalent-Anxious, and Insecure Disorganised (about 5%). He didn't go much in to the Disorganised Attachment Style he said it is quite rare and generally seen in children who are very badly abused or neglected.
He asked which style I thought related to E, and we agreed that what I concurred last week was true: E has an Insecure Ambivalent-Anxious Attachment style. But, here's where I went wrong. He explained that Attachment is all about needs, and whether or not they are met. In a child with special needs, like E, I could be a near-perfect parent and still be facing the same issues. He reminded me that only 50-60% of children have a Secure Attachment style anyway, and that first time parents respond appropriately to challenging behaviours only 12% of the time!!! He is a developmental and educational psychologist, and is a Triple P Parenting provider (can't link on the blogger app, but google away!) so I trust that he is not just pulling these stats out of his bottom.
He was also saying that it's not bad parenting, it's not just kids who have alcoholics for parents, or who work 80 hour weeks. He said in my case, my post-natal depression was probably a contributing factor, which makes me feel bad, but I still feel like I manage my depression well so we do as well as we can. It is not my fault I have/had depression.
Anyhow, he was saying that the 'trouble' with autism is that it limits a person's ability or interest in forming attachments. So we were working against one another from the start. He also said that these Attachment Styles are "slow-moving traits." A trait is something that is generally ingrained and can't really be changed. He used the example of a person who is introverted. They can go off and do a course to learn how to speak in public, but they will never be the kind of person who dances on a table top in a pub. So, Attachment Styles are somewhat ingrained, but can still be changed. He said not to expect immediate changes, and that any change will be gradual and the result of some hard work by all of us. But at least there is some evidence to suggest it can be done. I think to the future and how this will influence him as a teen, a young adult, in relationships and so on if we don't intervene now, and it's quite motivating.
He gave me some truly useful and practical advice. He said that although E has not responded well to sticker charts in the past, it is worth trying them again. I suggested that Husband and I know him best so between us, we could make a huge effort to find some way to make a reward chart work. He gave me a few different ideas, like instead of a sticker, using a puzzle piece and having to make the whole puzzle before he receives his reward. He said it will be useful for us as a means of encouraging us to notice all of the good stuff he does, and all of the positive behaviour. He said we need to let him know explicitly all the things we do for him and provide for him, so he begins to understand that we ARE meeting his needs and that we appreciate him. He said it may seem silly to parents with typical children, but even stuff like "here is your cereal that I got for you, E. I am so glad that I could give you such a yummy breakfast today. I hope you like the cereal I got for you."
We have only just realized that E has a problem with his working memory. His long-term memory is remarkable, and his short term memory is OK, but I think the working memory issues explain a lot. We have been playing at parrot talking, where I say something and he repeats it. This was one part of an assessment we did with the speech pathologist, and in mentioning it to the OT, we have decided what the problem is. He can process a simple sentence, like "the cat sat on the mat" and can repeat that back to me, but once it gets more complicated, like "the cat sat on the mat and scratched himself," he can't repeat that or even rephrase it. This obviously has an impact on how he responds to requests, and might explain why it often seems like he is deaf!
The main thing though is that we must make our lives and his environment as reliable, consistent and organised as possible. This is something we seem to always be working on as Husband and I are not naturally tidy or organised, and both tend to live in the moment. But if we work together and start small, we can do this. For E.
Anyway, that is all I have time to write. Husbandface just got home and I need to run through it all with him before it falls out of my head.
Oh and he also suggested visuals for processes and for our days etc. We have tried this unsuccessfully before, but will try again. I printed off some free images from the net. I will take some photos when I've made the charts.
Today we had an appointment with E's psychologist, except he asked us that we try and leave the kids with someone for this session. My sister, bless her, had my two, but husband couldn't get out of work, so I went by myself. We talked mostly about Attachment Theory (he even had a little slideshow presentation on his laptop), and he went through the various Attachment Styles: Secure (50-60% of people), Insecure Ambivalent-Avoidant, Insecure Ambivalent-Anxious, and Insecure Disorganised (about 5%). He didn't go much in to the Disorganised Attachment Style he said it is quite rare and generally seen in children who are very badly abused or neglected.
He asked which style I thought related to E, and we agreed that what I concurred last week was true: E has an Insecure Ambivalent-Anxious Attachment style. But, here's where I went wrong. He explained that Attachment is all about needs, and whether or not they are met. In a child with special needs, like E, I could be a near-perfect parent and still be facing the same issues. He reminded me that only 50-60% of children have a Secure Attachment style anyway, and that first time parents respond appropriately to challenging behaviours only 12% of the time!!! He is a developmental and educational psychologist, and is a Triple P Parenting provider (can't link on the blogger app, but google away!) so I trust that he is not just pulling these stats out of his bottom.
He was also saying that it's not bad parenting, it's not just kids who have alcoholics for parents, or who work 80 hour weeks. He said in my case, my post-natal depression was probably a contributing factor, which makes me feel bad, but I still feel like I manage my depression well so we do as well as we can. It is not my fault I have/had depression.
Anyhow, he was saying that the 'trouble' with autism is that it limits a person's ability or interest in forming attachments. So we were working against one another from the start. He also said that these Attachment Styles are "slow-moving traits." A trait is something that is generally ingrained and can't really be changed. He used the example of a person who is introverted. They can go off and do a course to learn how to speak in public, but they will never be the kind of person who dances on a table top in a pub. So, Attachment Styles are somewhat ingrained, but can still be changed. He said not to expect immediate changes, and that any change will be gradual and the result of some hard work by all of us. But at least there is some evidence to suggest it can be done. I think to the future and how this will influence him as a teen, a young adult, in relationships and so on if we don't intervene now, and it's quite motivating.
He gave me some truly useful and practical advice. He said that although E has not responded well to sticker charts in the past, it is worth trying them again. I suggested that Husband and I know him best so between us, we could make a huge effort to find some way to make a reward chart work. He gave me a few different ideas, like instead of a sticker, using a puzzle piece and having to make the whole puzzle before he receives his reward. He said it will be useful for us as a means of encouraging us to notice all of the good stuff he does, and all of the positive behaviour. He said we need to let him know explicitly all the things we do for him and provide for him, so he begins to understand that we ARE meeting his needs and that we appreciate him. He said it may seem silly to parents with typical children, but even stuff like "here is your cereal that I got for you, E. I am so glad that I could give you such a yummy breakfast today. I hope you like the cereal I got for you."
We have only just realized that E has a problem with his working memory. His long-term memory is remarkable, and his short term memory is OK, but I think the working memory issues explain a lot. We have been playing at parrot talking, where I say something and he repeats it. This was one part of an assessment we did with the speech pathologist, and in mentioning it to the OT, we have decided what the problem is. He can process a simple sentence, like "the cat sat on the mat" and can repeat that back to me, but once it gets more complicated, like "the cat sat on the mat and scratched himself," he can't repeat that or even rephrase it. This obviously has an impact on how he responds to requests, and might explain why it often seems like he is deaf!
The main thing though is that we must make our lives and his environment as reliable, consistent and organised as possible. This is something we seem to always be working on as Husband and I are not naturally tidy or organised, and both tend to live in the moment. But if we work together and start small, we can do this. For E.
Anyway, that is all I have time to write. Husbandface just got home and I need to run through it all with him before it falls out of my head.
Oh and he also suggested visuals for processes and for our days etc. We have tried this unsuccessfully before, but will try again. I printed off some free images from the net. I will take some photos when I've made the charts.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Continuing To Be Surprised
We are staying in a holiday house this weekend with three friends of ours. They don't have any kids, but they are very lovely and enthusiastic about mine, bless.
E has been amazing. He had been alternating between being totally excited about coming to bawling his eyes out with dread. He desperately did not want to sleep away from home, and was adamant that he would not. Well, he has. Twice. And has been a total dream in between.
We went to the beach which he was also dreading. He loves shallow water, but is very scared of drowning. After some trepidation, my friends managed to coax him over to where the water was racing up the beach, and he loved it. He had a wonderful time and I am so proud of him for facing his fear.
He seems so determined this weekend to be just one of the adults. He keeps telling me I am embarrassing him! He needed to poop, which is very often a hassle when we are away from home. He went through a period of almost a year where he would just hold it in for days and days because he just seemed to hate going to the toilet. We now have him OK with going at home, but somewhere else is much trickier. But anyway. What does he do? He walks to the loo silently, closes the door, wipes his OWN bottom (has never happened EVER), washes hands, returns to table. Insane. Husband face and I were staring at each other in disbelief!
I think so much if his anxiety comes from fear. He is so afraid of hurting himself, or dying (he talks about this fear a lot), and is so self-conscious in his actions and movements. I really hope the psych can help, because this has been an amazing glimpse into what life could be like for him. I'm not sure what it is about this weekend; perhaps I am just really relaxed and he is picking up on that, but he is so much more confident and relaxed than usual. He still didn't want me to go and get takeaway without him, and he has still made little piles of treasures that he is very anxious about anybody moving or touching, but they are minor things. It is so lovely to see him be able to be himself and have a good time. It has been a wonderful surprise.
E has been amazing. He had been alternating between being totally excited about coming to bawling his eyes out with dread. He desperately did not want to sleep away from home, and was adamant that he would not. Well, he has. Twice. And has been a total dream in between.
We went to the beach which he was also dreading. He loves shallow water, but is very scared of drowning. After some trepidation, my friends managed to coax him over to where the water was racing up the beach, and he loved it. He had a wonderful time and I am so proud of him for facing his fear.
He seems so determined this weekend to be just one of the adults. He keeps telling me I am embarrassing him! He needed to poop, which is very often a hassle when we are away from home. He went through a period of almost a year where he would just hold it in for days and days because he just seemed to hate going to the toilet. We now have him OK with going at home, but somewhere else is much trickier. But anyway. What does he do? He walks to the loo silently, closes the door, wipes his OWN bottom (has never happened EVER), washes hands, returns to table. Insane. Husband face and I were staring at each other in disbelief!
I think so much if his anxiety comes from fear. He is so afraid of hurting himself, or dying (he talks about this fear a lot), and is so self-conscious in his actions and movements. I really hope the psych can help, because this has been an amazing glimpse into what life could be like for him. I'm not sure what it is about this weekend; perhaps I am just really relaxed and he is picking up on that, but he is so much more confident and relaxed than usual. He still didn't want me to go and get takeaway without him, and he has still made little piles of treasures that he is very anxious about anybody moving or touching, but they are minor things. It is so lovely to see him be able to be himself and have a good time. It has been a wonderful surprise.
Monday, November 26, 2012
New People - The Speechie, & Ambivalent Attachment
Well, I am glad the speech assessment is over. It was supposed to take 45 minutes and ended up taking an hour and 45 minutes. E started sobbing the minute I said we were going to meet the speech pathologist, and didn't give me much chance to explain or try and reassure him, so I opted for a bribe quite early on in the day. I said I would take him to get a new miniature skateboard or bike (those little rip-off things that fit in your hand that he is currently obsessed with) before we went to the appointment. So, he calmed down and we went to the shop. He picked his little toy and we drove from there to the Speech Pathologist's. At first, he was O.K. I was actually quite relieved because he just sat on the bench waiting patiently for her, wheeling his new mini bike up and down his leg. He sat next to me, trying to bury himself in to my back/side/shirt as we went through some paperwork, but would not sit opposite her at the desk to do the assessments. He wouldn't speak at all, but fortunately, the first task just required him to point at some pictures. He was sitting half on me, half on the ground, t-shirt pulled up over his head with one eye looking out while sucking his collar. He went from getting every question correct to stuffing them all up, so the therapist and I tried to get him out of his t-shirt, off me and on to a chair.
Cue meltdown.
The therapist said to him "I don't think you even CAN talk" and E started shaking. His face went bright red and he SCREAMED at her "I CAN talk ACTUALLY!" and cried, and cried, and cried, and hid under the tiny chair, pulled at my clothes, ripped my hair etc. Awesome. In the end, the therapist ended up hiding in her office and spying on us while I did the assessment. Fortunately, it was all pretty straight forward for me, but jeepers. Exhausting.
Anyway, the good news is that we were right, and he doesn't seem to have any significant problems with his speech. We ran so far over time that she couldn't do one particular assessment, so we have to go back next week I think. Ahhh! Anyway, she said he just struggled a bit with pronouns e.g. His/hers, but I have never noticed a problem with that in real life. Otherwise, he struggled a bit with repeating sentences I said to him. I think he is just not a very good listener, especially in that situation! Anyhow, she said probably another 2 sessions and we will be done. Hooray!
Moving on to
Ambivalent Attachment
So, Attachment Theory (according to Wikipedia) describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. Its most important tenet is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally. Attachment theory explains how much the parents relationship with the child influences development. So this is all relevant for a 0-2 year old which is when these attachment behaviors are being established. Childhood, adolescence and adulthood all follow on from that so can obviously be effected.
Secure Attachment is what you want for your kids. It means they will cry when you leave, and be comforted by your return. You are their rock, and you are stable and consistent enough that they trust and rely on you to be the one who looks after them.
Ambivalent Attachment is different. Also known as Anxious Attachment, it describes a much smaller number of children who respond with a great deal of distress when the primary caregiver leaves, but are both comforted and aggravated by her return. It is the 'push/pull' kid, who pushes the caregiver away then panic and pulls them back again.
Oh Lordy is this our boy. It comes from inconsistent, incoherent or ambivalent responses from parents to a child's needs. Jeepers I am bawling just writing this. It doesn't necessarily come from negligent parents, or terrible parents. It can happen in children who are put in to day care at a young age, children with parents who are physically or mentally ill.
We don't know how this has happened to E. Not entirely. Research suggests it is something that can be passed down from generation to generation, and it was both mine and husband face's experiences as a child. I am trying not to get too cut up about it. I love E and always have, but we were very young when we had him, and I was so very, very depressed. I always said I was a terrible mother and maybe I am. Or maybe he is just a particularly sensitive kind of kid. Maybe it is our histories. Fuck, I don't know. I want to fix it. That's what I do know. I want to break the cycle. By some miracle, M has a secure attachment, so at least we have only managed to f*** one kid up.
I don't know how to fix it, but I hope we have figured this out in time to help him.
I can't speak for husband face's childhood, and out of respect for my parents, I won't talk about them either, but the impact of their histories are starting to become clear. It is obvious that our experiences in childhood help form the scaffolding of our own parenting styles, and I think there comes a point where you have to rip out all the rusty, wobbly bits for fear of collapse. Ya dig?
This is very hard to post about, very hard for me to even understand. I am
hoping our psychologist can really help us with this. All he did was ask us if we'd read much on Attachment Theory and I have read all the rest of this on my own, and all of these little bombs were exploding in my head as I read. I am not a professional, so maybe I am on the wrong track, but I'm not usually. We will see. Lots of work to do. I feel fuxking terrible.
Cue meltdown.
The therapist said to him "I don't think you even CAN talk" and E started shaking. His face went bright red and he SCREAMED at her "I CAN talk ACTUALLY!" and cried, and cried, and cried, and hid under the tiny chair, pulled at my clothes, ripped my hair etc. Awesome. In the end, the therapist ended up hiding in her office and spying on us while I did the assessment. Fortunately, it was all pretty straight forward for me, but jeepers. Exhausting.
Anyway, the good news is that we were right, and he doesn't seem to have any significant problems with his speech. We ran so far over time that she couldn't do one particular assessment, so we have to go back next week I think. Ahhh! Anyway, she said he just struggled a bit with pronouns e.g. His/hers, but I have never noticed a problem with that in real life. Otherwise, he struggled a bit with repeating sentences I said to him. I think he is just not a very good listener, especially in that situation! Anyhow, she said probably another 2 sessions and we will be done. Hooray!
Moving on to
Ambivalent Attachment
So, Attachment Theory (according to Wikipedia) describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans. Its most important tenet is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally. Attachment theory explains how much the parents relationship with the child influences development. So this is all relevant for a 0-2 year old which is when these attachment behaviors are being established. Childhood, adolescence and adulthood all follow on from that so can obviously be effected.
Secure Attachment is what you want for your kids. It means they will cry when you leave, and be comforted by your return. You are their rock, and you are stable and consistent enough that they trust and rely on you to be the one who looks after them.
Ambivalent Attachment is different. Also known as Anxious Attachment, it describes a much smaller number of children who respond with a great deal of distress when the primary caregiver leaves, but are both comforted and aggravated by her return. It is the 'push/pull' kid, who pushes the caregiver away then panic and pulls them back again.
Oh Lordy is this our boy. It comes from inconsistent, incoherent or ambivalent responses from parents to a child's needs. Jeepers I am bawling just writing this. It doesn't necessarily come from negligent parents, or terrible parents. It can happen in children who are put in to day care at a young age, children with parents who are physically or mentally ill.
We don't know how this has happened to E. Not entirely. Research suggests it is something that can be passed down from generation to generation, and it was both mine and husband face's experiences as a child. I am trying not to get too cut up about it. I love E and always have, but we were very young when we had him, and I was so very, very depressed. I always said I was a terrible mother and maybe I am. Or maybe he is just a particularly sensitive kind of kid. Maybe it is our histories. Fuck, I don't know. I want to fix it. That's what I do know. I want to break the cycle. By some miracle, M has a secure attachment, so at least we have only managed to f*** one kid up.
I don't know how to fix it, but I hope we have figured this out in time to help him.
I can't speak for husband face's childhood, and out of respect for my parents, I won't talk about them either, but the impact of their histories are starting to become clear. It is obvious that our experiences in childhood help form the scaffolding of our own parenting styles, and I think there comes a point where you have to rip out all the rusty, wobbly bits for fear of collapse. Ya dig?
This is very hard to post about, very hard for me to even understand. I am
hoping our psychologist can really help us with this. All he did was ask us if we'd read much on Attachment Theory and I have read all the rest of this on my own, and all of these little bombs were exploding in my head as I read. I am not a professional, so maybe I am on the wrong track, but I'm not usually. We will see. Lots of work to do. I feel fuxking terrible.
That Familiar Feeling...
of DREAD! Ugh!
I managed to book E in for a speech assessment tomorrow morning. He doesn't know yet that we are going. I don't want to risk him losing sleep worrying about it. The speech pathologist seems very nice. She had a son with autism herself, and has a special interest in helping families who have children 'on the spectrum.' We discussed whether or not we though he even needed therapy (remembering that husband and I never even considered it for E until our occupational therapist suggested it), and her opinion based on what I told her is that he would probably benefit more from time spent at preschool or with other kids than he would from therapy. But we (she and I) decided to go ahead and assess him anyway, and see if any concerns are raised.
She needs him to be calm (unlikely), cooperative (highly unlikely) and preferably, alone (impossible.) She had also requested we leave M at home. Any time we go somewhere without her, he knows it will be intense, but I understand it from the therapist's point of view.
M is actually getting considerably harder to take to E's appointments. She is approaching 2 years old, and is really living up to the role of the tantruming toddler! She has developed a particular dislike of wearing nappies, but is not ready for toilet training, so every nappy change is like wrestling a tiny crocodile. If you can get the nappy on her, she generally manages to figure how to take it off, quite often in public, and rolls about on the ground squealing "I a sushi roll! I a sushi roll!"
I imagine it will get trickier before it gets easier.
Anyway, wish me luck. Next blog post I will talk about something called Ambivalent Attachment. I bet you can hardly wait ;)
I managed to book E in for a speech assessment tomorrow morning. He doesn't know yet that we are going. I don't want to risk him losing sleep worrying about it. The speech pathologist seems very nice. She had a son with autism herself, and has a special interest in helping families who have children 'on the spectrum.' We discussed whether or not we though he even needed therapy (remembering that husband and I never even considered it for E until our occupational therapist suggested it), and her opinion based on what I told her is that he would probably benefit more from time spent at preschool or with other kids than he would from therapy. But we (she and I) decided to go ahead and assess him anyway, and see if any concerns are raised.
She needs him to be calm (unlikely), cooperative (highly unlikely) and preferably, alone (impossible.) She had also requested we leave M at home. Any time we go somewhere without her, he knows it will be intense, but I understand it from the therapist's point of view.
M is actually getting considerably harder to take to E's appointments. She is approaching 2 years old, and is really living up to the role of the tantruming toddler! She has developed a particular dislike of wearing nappies, but is not ready for toilet training, so every nappy change is like wrestling a tiny crocodile. If you can get the nappy on her, she generally manages to figure how to take it off, quite often in public, and rolls about on the ground squealing "I a sushi roll! I a sushi roll!"
I imagine it will get trickier before it gets easier.
Anyway, wish me luck. Next blog post I will talk about something called Ambivalent Attachment. I bet you can hardly wait ;)
Thursday, November 22, 2012
New People - The Psych
Yesterday afternoon, I called a psychologist who sounded (from some online blurbs) like a good choice for us. He is a clinical psychologist, as well as a developmental and behavioral psychologist. They had a free appointment at 10 this morning so we met him today before our occupational therapy session. He is very good, and E seemed quite comfortable there. I think he may have even said a few words, which is remarkable. He seems very clued in to what we might need, and I am looking forward to us working with him. He is also extremely good looking *blush.* Not a necessary attribute, but it does well to increase my enthusiasm.
I know we haven't been doing nothing, but it has felt a bit like we have been stuck on pause for a while now, and this week, someone has hit the play button.
Have a happy weekend x
I know we haven't been doing nothing, but it has felt a bit like we have been stuck on pause for a while now, and this week, someone has hit the play button.
Have a happy weekend x
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