I am becoming increasingly uneasy as we count down towards the day E starts school. He is so scared and so upset. We know that he is anxious about being hurt while he is there and not having me with him, but I'm not sure how to ease those fears.
We have a worry doll that I have tried to get him to use. We read the story of Silly Billy who worries so much until he gets a special worry doll to carry his worries for him, but he can't seem to make the connection or see the point in doing it himself.
We have been reading a book that the school sent us, about the preschool day. It is a very good idea. It has photos from the school as well, for instance, "Mum and Dad will help you put your lunch in the big fridge" with a picture of a girl putting her lunch in the school fridge. I noticed that a paediatric dentist's website had a similar thing in the form of a slide show. The book seems to just upset him more some times, but I know there are parts he finds reassuring so we are keeping it up.
Husband face has taken the day off work so he can take him there. I'm not sure if M and I will go too. I have tried to make an appointment to see the psychologist again before we go so I could ask him, but he is on leave. I am trying to be confident.
We had such a shock last year when we attempted to send him to a different preschool. We knew then that he was "clingy" and an anxious child, but everybody assured us that he would be fine, that it was normal and so on. I did believe that would be the case. I believed the first few weeks would be tricky, but we would get there in the end and he would be ok.
He lasted two days.
After the first day, he barely stopped sobbing for the rest of week, slept on top of me, even crying in his sleep.
When I picked him up on the second day. I was shocked. He was being walked back from the toilet with his teacher. He had his head in his t-shirt, sucking it, arms pulled in too, curling himself up as he staggered back. She said he needed to poo but wouldn't go. She said she wasn't sure if she should hold him on the toilet until he went. I am so glad she didn't. He had wet himself a few times and was in wet pants after being changed twice. I don't think that is the school's fault; I just don't think they could get them off him. He wouldn't eat or drink. He went to the toilet as soon as we left and could find a public loo. Then he ate and drank, and then he cried himself to sleep. I got about 2 hours sleep over the next two nights as I couldn't get him off my lap, and he was having nightmares, screaming and crying all night.
I didn't know what to do. Was this normal? People assured me it was and that he would be OK, but I couldn't do it to him after that second night! I called to speak to them and agreed with me that they didn't think he was ready, and that he was too distressed.
It took about six months from that point for him to be able to be more than about a metre away from me. Even when he was riding his scooter, I had to walk beside him or he would tear up and come running back to me. We saw a Paediatrician who diagnosed him with severe Seperation Anxiety Disorder and suggested we think about home schooling him. We saw a psychologist for a few months who tried her darnedest but made little difference. We then went to OT, which he was so anxious about attending, he would vomit and shake uncontrollably. We got a second opinion from another Paediatrician who diagnosed the PDD-NOS and anxiety. Then more OT. Then a new psych. Fast forward and here we are again, about to start preschool.
I feel much more prepared in many ways, but I am also terrified. Those two days did so much damage last year. Intellectually, I know that if it hadn't been two days of preschool, it would have been something else. He had been working up towards that level of anxiety and whatnot as he was getting older so it would have happened anyway, and we can manage him better now than ever before.
But can the school? Can his teacher? Will the same thing happen again? The clinical psychologist at Redbank House said, over the phone, that she wasn't sure he could cope with preschool at this stage. But, the psychologist we have seen 4 or 5 times now thinks he will get there "in his own time", but that it will be tough.
I simply do not have enough faith in myself to say everything is going to go a certain way. The uncertainty is terrifying for all of us, but I am trying not to get trapped in to dreading everything or expecting the worse. There's a delicate balance to be attained, and some days I am there, and other days I am wobbling along like Mr Plod.
Look... (I am talking to myself here!).. We have done our orientation visits. He is familiar with the school and the majority of staff members. The fact that he is worried about how long it will take to pick him up proves that he has accepted that he will have to go, irregardless. I will write an email to his teacher to suggest strategies for managing him. They have his paed report and OT reports. They have his diagnosis. Deep breaths.
I am losing way too much sleep over this and if I am tired, I will be more obviously stressed during the day when he is awake. So the plan is to focus on being both well-rested (for myself) and organised (for E), as I know that will help.
Clothes are being labelled, rest bags are being sewn, and butterflies are cavorting in my stomach.
Wish us luck, please!!!!!!
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