M started day care today, for one day a week. She is 21 months old. I was hoping to not have to put her in care until she was 3 and could go to a not-for-profit Pre-school. I am disappointed in myself for putting her in care. I don't work, I don't study, and it's not like we just have a spare $88 a day laying around. But I felt like I had to as respite for both of us - her from Elly Belly, and me from having to stop him harassing her all the time. Ideally, E would be in child care, and I could give the baby the time I feel she needs and deserves, just like E had when he was her age. I am trying to not feel too resentful, guilty or worried. I hate that I don't know what goes on there. They said she was mostly O.K., but what about when she is not O.K.?
She came out of it unscathed, proud as punch of her crepe paper Christmas tree on a string, and the same as ever. So I shall to try and focus on her success and push my concerns to the back of my mind.
E, on the other hand, is quite traumatised by it all. Perhaps he is concerned for his sister, perhaps he is sensing that it is his turn next. Either way, he is not handling it well, lashing out, spitting, screaming, crying, insisting on being within about a metre radius of me at all times, refusing to go any where and crying with anxiety already about places where we are going later in the week. It is frustrating beyond measure, and dreadfully upsetting on top of an already emotional day. I have a GP appointment at 10:30 tomorrow that he insists he can NOT come to, but there is nobody to watch him, so there will be tears and so on. I am tempted to cancel, but there will never be a good time, will there? And I am going to attempt another pre-school visit with him after the GP, which he is also adamant he will NOT be apart of. I was so hoping to go today while I didn't have M to cart around, too.
wish me luck!
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